Read Think & Write

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Through a Blog Post by Shane Parish of Farnam Street, I became aware of  Carol Dweck’s book „Mindset: The Psychology of Success„. The book was a great read and therefore I want to think and write something about it.

Carol Dweck is a professor of psychology at Stanford University. She conducts research on motivational and developmental psychology and is one of the world’s leading scientists in her field. Her popular TED lecture in November 2014 made her famous to a wider audience.

In her first book, Carol Dweck explains how our mind influences success or failure through our thoughts. The author uses a variety of examples from sports, business, politics, and art to describe how our mindset influences our actions and that of our children and students. She focuses on the effects of a fixed and growth mindset on almost all aspects of our lives. Carol Dweck skilfully combines results from research with prominent people and examples from our daily lives. By the way, you learn something about the personality traits of John McEnroe, Michael Jordan, Jack Welch and Lee Iacocca as well as many other celebrities from sports and business.

The book has a total of 304 pages and is divided into eight chapters, each with four to ten subchapters. The chapters have a maximum length of 40 pages. The structure helped me to get the most out of the book.

Content

In the first two chapters, Carol Dweck introduces the fixed and growth mindset. Chapter three is about talent and achievement. In addition, the author explains why praise can be dangerous. Chapter four, five and six illustrate the effects of fixed and growth mindset through examples from sports, business, and partnership. In chapter seven, Carol Dweck explains how to develop a fixed or growth mindset. It is the longest chapter and it includes many important hints how to promote a growth mindset in our children and students. It’s about demanding, encouraging, growth, learning, affection, love, and simply hard work. The book ends with a „workshop“ in which we can consciously deal with our mindset.

Lessons learned

With a growth mindset, we can achieve a lot. On the other hand, a fixed mindset limits our development and that of our children and students.

Praise can be dangerous. If one praises intelligence instead of effort, it harms motivation in the long run and thus performance.

I am very grateful that I heard about John Wooden for the first time in my life. Please forgive me my ignorance. He was the most successful and respected coach in US college basketball and a great mentor to many of his players – including Kareem Abdul Jabbar. His life philosophy can be characterized by a growth mindset. His achievements, and more precisely his definition of success, underline the importance of the growth mindset:

Improve a little bit every day and big things will eventually happen. Not tomorrow, not the next day, but at some point a big profit will be made. Strive for the small improvement, one day at a time. That’s the only way it’s going to happen – and if it does, it will last for a long time. (John Wooden)

Further quotes from the book

In one world, effort is considered as poor. Anyone who has to work hard has no talent or intelligence. In the other world, it’s exactly your effort that leads to talent or intelligence in the first place.

Just because some people can do something without any guidance does not mean other people can not learn and maybe even do better under guidance.

„I believe that ability can take us to the top, but it’s only with character that you stay there. … it takes character to keep working hard or harder once you’re up. „(John Wooden)

„I hate to use the first person. Almost everything I’ve done in my life has been accomplished with other people … „(Jack Welch)

„If Tiger wanted to become a plumber, that would have been fine, as long as he became a good plumber. We wanted him to beacome a good person . And he has become a great person. „(Father of Tiger Woods)

Good teachers believe in the development of intellect and talent and they are enthusiastic about the learning process.

Success does not come to you, you go to it.

You have talent, let’s start learning.

There are no shortcuts.

Start learning, sleep regularly and do your thing.

When we assume a growth mindset, we switch from a judgemental mode to a learning-and-help mode.

„Either you go up or down.“ (Alex Rodriguez) And if so, then you should decide where to go.

Who should read this book?

Carol Dweck manages to address a wide audience with her book. The book is for those who enjoy learning and personal development and especially for those who (still) do not feel this desire.

Links

https://psychology.stanford.edu/cdweck

http://www.coachwooden.com/

https://www.brainpickings.org/2014/01/29/carol-dweck-mindset/

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I do not want to die. I mean right now I feel like I do not want to die ever. Can I call it a life if I am not going to die? I guess not but that is another question. Today I want to write about the worst experience in my life.

I am a calm person. I do not see a doctor immediately if something is not right. Normally I sleep at least one night before I make an appointment. This worked very well for me until yesterday night.

Yesterday was different. I was alone in my hotel room and panicked. It got out of control. What happened? I was in the bathroom and saw some red dots below my chest which spread in a narrow line over the entire upper abdomen. That made me feel really uncomfortable and then I did the worse thing I could do. I asked Google. I like Google but in this case, it was a bad decision. Why? Because I found out that I might die if I do not get help from a doctor. After that night I promised myself not to ask Google anymore about severe illnesses.

Ok, so after the fatal diagnosis I left my hotel room and went downstairs to the reception. They called me a cap to the emergency room. The hospital was not far away. I told the driver that I have something with my heart and that I need to see a doctor. He was very understanding and drove very fast to the hospital until the last traffic light before the hospital stopped us. I panicked more because I thought I am going to die and every second count. I saw myself already passing out in the car. The traffic light remained red for an eternity. It was pure horror until the lights turned green.

In the hospital, it was the same. I felt bad with heart and breathing problems I thought that someone would take care of me immediately but that was not the case. I managed to explain my pain to a nurse and she started to ask me about my name, address, and insurance. I know that this is important for the hospital to get their money but after all, we were in the emergency room and I was going to die. At least in my mind. What the hell was going on here? I stayed calm because there were other people around and I did not want to look like a freak. In that moment, I was thinking: you are so obsessed with what other people think about you that you prefer to die instead of getting what you want or actually desperately need in that moment.

I realized that I am not able to help myself effectively due to my anxieties what other people might think about me. This is insane! I must do something about that. I must learn that it is not important what other people think about me. It is important that I can look in the mirror and be true to myself.

This incident taught me a lot about myself and how I should lead my life. It happened almost one year ago. Here are a few points that I learned from that incident:

#1

I realized how fragile I am. I always thought of myself as invincible and never really listened to my grandma when she was telling me something about her anxieties. After all, she was over seventy and I was a healthy young guy. Now she is dead and can’t help me anymore. I would love to listen to her again. I regret nothing because we had a great relationship. Nevertheless, I miss her and would have liked to spend some more years with her. But that is another story.

#2

Always say goodbye to your loved ones. Kiss them and tell them how much you love them because it could be the last time that you have seen them. Don’t go away in anger. My grandpa was so obsessed with that idea that he could not sleep before grandma forgave him. Hard to imagine that this never happened in over sixty years of their marriage but I love to believe it and try my best to follow in their footsteps. I failed in the past but I always make a new start to break their record. Meanwhile, my wife and I have to live until 100.

#3

Do not worry about what others think about you. Speak loud and clear if you really want something. Say what you need; don’t wait until it is too late. I’ve become more self-confident and I’ve grown in this regard. With now forty years, I am happy to say that I know a little bit better who I am, what I want, and how to get it. Nevertheless, I still fail a lot of the times but I stand up and work on it.

#4

Finally, for me, it all can be summarized with the famous saying „carpe diem“. Seize each of your days and don’t waste your time. For me, this is playing with my kids, cooking with my wife, walking, running or lifting weights and spending as much time as possible with family and friends. Last but not least, I read, think and write almost every day to learn something new about myself and the world around me.

Lately, I started to question some things in my life that I would like to share.

Nobody asked you if you wanted that
Now you have to live and do not know how
But nobody knows better than you
So just do what you like

Most of my wake time I am working in an office. I earn enough money to live a good life with my family. I am a leader and people trust me and like to work with me. This is a good feeling but is this really a place where I should spend most of my lifetime? Something is missing. I am not creative enough and those days in the office are everything else than being creative. I mix some online learning into my day and also some writing in the morning but it seems not enough anymore. I need more time on my own. I would like to disconnect for longer stretches of time to read, think and write. Then I realize how selfish I am. It is always about me and not about the others in my life. I am forty years and still learning how to live a good life. It is simple but not easy. The inner fight will continue….

In a place full of hustle and bustle
at the place name 24/7
there I want to be an exception
and bend nobody

I live in Europe and my president is not an old man with bad manners. I should be happy because things could be worse but I am skeptical that our leaders are capable to create a better future for our kids and grandkids. I don’t have faith in our politicians and that they will stop us from ruining our planet. There is no real leader who is talking the truth and doing the right things. I love the United States but they failed to present the world a leader that we need to guide us through tough times and unite all nations.

I care about humans but I lately I started to care more about nature. We will not survive if we continue to deny the facts and don’t start to turn the wheel around. I understand why we all are so fearful. Because we have to lose a lot and can’t gain much in a lifetime. Except that we have done the right thing. And isn’t it that what we should expect from our leaders? They should not please us all the time. No, they should make tough decisions which are right in the long run for our race and our planet. Isn’t that exactly what we as a parent do with our kids because they don’t know better? And yes, most of the world population doesn’t know better — I included. Yes, I dream of a better world even if that means that my pretty cool world must change. I love my life and my opportunities and I would not be very happy if I should give up my car or my vacations in the Alps. But there are already intelligent solutions for all our problems. We humans are so good at inventing new stuff that makes life easy and comfortable. I know that we could continue to live a good life and simultaneously do the right things for our planet. All we need are intelligent leaders full of integrity with the desire to change the world for the better. Invest in education and infrastructure. Boost climate protection agreements and execute them. Encourage sustainable green energy projects. Make clear that our world does not tolerate any form of extremism neither left nor right. Zero tolerance. Make Religion a purely private matter. I could continue but I better go lift some weights and stop thinking what could be better. Instead, I try my best to live a good life and have a positive impact on my small community.

While writing on a yet unpublished blog post, I noticed that whenever I was talking about myself I had the tendency to exaggerate. Just a little bit that it doesn’t seem too perfect but still slightly better than it actually was. I got mad at me because that is exactly what I do not want to hear from someone else. Instead, I want to read inspiring stories of success and growth including all the failures that have led to that success. We all love to read stories how people overcome obstacles and never give up or how they manage to live despite a loss of a loved one. In the end, this is life and not some perfect pictures and stories that make the rest of us look like as we haven’t accomplished anything in our sad life. It is so easy to write about our successes and present us in a good light but as we all know we learn far more from our mistakes.

As a writer, I want to tell the truth. The hard truth about success, growth and living a good life. A good life is not a perfect one. You can love your spouse and kids, have a helping hand for your community and think about your impact on nature without being perfect. All too often we focus on being perfect and forget about living a good life.

In that sense, I feel that we all have the obligation to promote truthfulness and the good life whether it is as a writer, parent, teacher, coach, friend or CEO. Just be an imperfect human role model in your community and make the world around you a great place, to tell the truth, fail miserably, then learn and grow even stronger.

#1 Lifting Weights
Lifting heavy weights changed my life. I was always into sports and played a team sport semi-professional for more than 10 years. I liked long distance running and I did that for a couple of years after I retired. Then I got a back injury. I didn’t go to a doctor and continued to run. It was a bad idea. After six months I finally saw a doctor, stopped running and started yoga. It helped but only a little and my back pain was still there. After more than six months of stretching and doing yoga exercises day in and day out, I decided to start with strength training in the gym. I did some strength training back in my days as a semi-pro but I never really liked it. Especially the machines in the gym didn’t resonate with me. But I knew that I needed a stronger back to recover from my back pain. I read a lot of strength training and discovered a blue book called “Starting Strength” written by Marc Rippetoe. This book and the training method immediately made sense to me. No fancy machines just honest barbell training. Four simple exercises that helped me to overcome my back pain and simply become stronger. If you haven’t done it, I highly recommend to you to start the basic barbell movements of squatting, lifting and pressing. You won’t regret it.

#2 Writing in the morning
I always wanted to write but I wasn’t good at school in grammar and expressing myself verbally. My grades showed me very clearly that I had no talent to write. Although I loved to read and made a few attempts to write a diary, I never really gave it a try. That changed when I first read about the ritual of “Morning Pages”. I guess a lot of people on Medium are writing in the morning. The teacher and author Julia Cameron describes this ritual of Morning Pages in her book “The Artist Way”. This book is worth reading in its entirety. It inspired me to start this habit almost two years ago. I have to confess that I miss some days, especially on the weekends, when we sleep a little bit longer and I want to be with my kids, but I always come back to my journal to write a page or two in the morning. It really helped me to become a calmer person and focus on the important things in my life like family, reading, thinking, writing and living a healthy life.

#3 Drawing
As I already told you, I couldn’t write in school but drawing was even worse. I was good in math and sports but not in arts. I labeled myself as non-creative and never really tried to draw or paint anything seriously. However, I admired a classmate who could draw perfectly with his pencil. It was so realistic. The good thing when you become older is that you realize that there are so many untalented people in the world and you are just one of them. So, I thought I should give it a try and do whatever I like. I am still far from being an artist but drawing is a worthwhile activity for me and on top of that it seems to enhance thinking in general and creative problem solving in particular.

For a better understanding I highly recommend reading Betty Edwards’s book, “Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain”.

#4 Sitting in silence for 10 minutes
Yes, I meditate but I call it sitting in silence for ten minutes because that is exactly what I am doing and in contrast to the word meditation it is self-explaining. It was uncomfortable in the beginning to sit in silence with no TV or radio and do not follow any of your thoughts. But eventually, I got better and focusing on my breath helped me a lot on the way.

There are few good apps like Headspace and Calm. They helped me to get started with this practice. Meanwhile, I prefer to sit alone in a quiet room with no electronic device around me.

#5 Walking
I never really liked to walk until I got my first kid. I always wanted to run and walking didn’t make sense for me. I trained or I preferred to rest on the couch with a book or a good movie. Today I value a good walk with my wife, a good friend or alone. I love to be out there and to fall into a walking rhythm were nothing else matters then putting one foot before the other. Walking without my mobile phone is my preferred option. I just take a small notebook and a pen in case I have a good idea which I would like to follow up later.

There are many good books about walking and hiking. One of my favorite books is “A Walk in the Woods” by Bill Bryson.

For those who wonder if there should not be more in life than spending ten to twelve hours a day in the office and working towards a promotion, and then working twelve to fourteen hours a day, the book “The Why Café” by John Strelecky is just right. The book has a total of 127 pages and is an easy read but with a deep impact.

The author takes us on a journey in search of the meaning of life. By an unintentional coincidence, John lands on the way to vacation in the Why Café, where he spends the rest of the night with good food and profound conversations. It all starts with the menu and three questions on its back.

1. Why are you here? (What is your Purpose for Existing?)
2. Do you fear death?
3. Are you fulfilled?

During his stay in the Why Café John meets the waitress Casey, the chef and café owner Mike, as well as Anne a life experienced guest of the Why Café. All three will help John to find some answers.

It takes time to answer the question on your own. No one can force you to deal with the questions. It is a very personal decision but once you start, it will be difficult to stop. Many people are searching for meaning and often don’t know what it is. This is where the three questions and the people from the Why Café can help. There is not only one way to answer these questions. However, those who have found an answer obviously have something in common. If a person knows why he is here, then he has realized the purpose for his existence (“PFE”). One does not have to limit himself to one thing. Throughout his life, he may find that he wants to do 10, 20 or 100 things. The most satisfied guests of the Why Café are those who know their PFE and try all things that serve their purpose. The other people also do a lot of things but those things that have nothing to do with their PFE.

If you’re not sure why you’re here and what you want to do, chances are you’re doing what most people do and that is usually based on family advice, social pressure, or other people’s opinions. In this regard, the book contains two great analogies and some fine advise how to approach the questions:

#1 Casey and the Green Sea Turtles

Casey talks about the Green Sea Turtles, who effectively use the rhythm of the waves to move forward instead of widely paddling around and get nowhere except exhausted. You can waste your energy with a lot of things if you do not know exactly what your PFE is and you may then no longer have the strength or time to do what you are “here” for.

#2 Mike and the wise Fisherman

The other story is told by the café owner Mike and is pretty well known, but still worth listening to again and again. It’s about a businessman who is watching a fisherman on a beach during his vacation. The fisherman drives out every morning to catch fish for himself and his family. One morning they both get into a conversation and the fisherman says that he has breakfast every morning with his wife and children. While the kids are at school, he then drives out with his boat to get the food for the day and his wife stays home and paints. After lunch, he takes a short nap and in the evening he walks with his wife on the beach while the children swim in the sea. The businessman asks if he can bring home enough fish every day. Yes, the fisherman answers I catch more than enough fish and those I do not need I let go back into the sea. “But why don’t you fish all day and catch as many fish as you can?”, the businessman wants to know. The businessman further explains to the fisherman that if he sells the extra fish on the market, he could eventually afford a second net to catch even more fish. Later, a second boat would be added, and the first employee, and if he continued to do so, he could soon afford an office in the city and set up a whole fish business in ten years. What he should do all this for, the fisherman asked the businessman. Of course, to make money so that one day he could retire and only do what he wanted. The fisherman asked: “Is this the time when I could have breakfast with my family, drive out with my boat to go fishing and be back on the beach with my wife and children in the evening?”. The businessman was upset that the fisherman did not jump on his ideas. “Yes”, the businessman replied angrily, “though your children may already be too tall.” The fisherman smiled, shook hands with the businessman and wished him a good day.

We go to work every day to make enough money to settle down someday, to have time for the things we like to do. Every day we have the opportunity to do what we want. Every day we can answer the question why am I here. We do not have to wait until retirement. Just do it.

#3 Anne’s advice

Anne is a graduate economist and former executive from the advertising industry. She explains to John why it is so hard for us to focus on pursuing our goals and recognizing our purpose of existence. There are too many messages that are presented to us every day through the media. There, our fears and longings are specifically addressed. Anne points out that we’ve been bombarded with these subtle messages since childhood, and at some point, we start working in order to make money to buy all those things. We may not have our dream job and spend more time in the office than we like, but as a reward, we can buy some of the things that we believe will fulfill us. The big problem is that if we are not satisfied with the work but spend so much time doing it, then we are becoming increasingly dissatisfied and almost yearn to retire. In the meantime, we buy many things to distract us, hoping that these things fulfill us. As we all know, fulfillment is short-lived, and we spend more and more money on this kind of fulfillment, which in turn means we have to work more. Work that does not satisfy us and makes us unhappy. It’s a vicious cycle that must be broken as soon as possible and the question “why am I here” can help us here. It is our job to find out what fulfills us the most otherwise someone else will tell you.

December is a great time to reflect on the things and people that are most important to our lives. You can start with the “Why Café” or on your own. It will be a worthwhile journey.