Read Think & Write

Zwei Jahre vor meinem Schlaganfall habe ich den Beitrag „Stronger“ geschrieben.
Er war ehrlich. Ich war stark, voller Energie, im Einklang mit meinem Körper.
Das Heben schwerer Gewichte war mein Weg, mit mir selbst verbunden zu sein.
Es war einfach, hart, kraftvoll – genau mein Ding.

Dann kam der Bruch.
Von einem Tag auf den anderen hat sich alles verändert.
Mein Körper war nicht mehr der gleiche. Mein Leben war nicht mehr das gleiche.
Ich musste alles neu denken – auch das, was „Stärke“ für mich bedeutet.

Heute hebe ich keine schweren Gewichte mehr.
Ich spiele kein Hockey mehr.
Aber ich bewege mich – jeden Tag. Ich gehe, ich trainiere mit dem eigenen Körpergewicht.
Ich bleibe dran. Still, konsequent, in meinem Tempo.

Früher bedeutete „stärker werden“: mehr, schneller, schwerer.
Heute bedeutet es: bewusster, geduldiger, entspannter.

Und trotzdem:
Ich würde den ursprünglichen Text von damals auch heute noch genau so unterschreiben.
Ich empfehle es weiterhin jedem, der körperlich dazu in der Lage ist.
Ich würde es selbst immer wieder so machen – wenn die Angst nicht wäre.

Und deshalb heißt es heute für mich:
Read, Think & Write – and walk (a lot).

Damit muss ich leben.
Und: Ich kann damit leben.
Ich bin dankbar.

Kapitel 1 – Mein Text von damals (2020)

STRONGER
von RT&W
Lift heavy weights. It changed my life and it can change yours too. Without the heavy stuff, I would be lost, without it, I would not feel in sync with my body and soul.
I like it simple, hard, and heavy. Just a barbell a few plates and a kettlebell.
I sleep well, I feel great, I am lean and I am stronger than I was 10 years ago.
I am more self-confident in my job and in my private life.
Nothing else had a more profound effect on me than lifting heavy weights.
If you want to become strong, fight muscle atrophy and lose some belly fat, start lifting heavy and learn to swing the kettlebell.
Read about it and look for a certified strength coach. I promise you it will be a game changer for you.
You won’t regret it.
Read, think & write and lift heavy!

Schritt für Schritt zurück zu mir

Vor drei Jahren hat ein Schlaganfall mein Leben verändert. Nicht ein bisschen. Komplett.

Von 100 auf 0 – so hat es sich angefühlt.
Am Anfang hab ich gar nicht verstanden, wie sehr sich mein Leben verändern würde.
Ich bin sofort losgelaufen, wollte aktiv bleiben. Aber oft war es ein Schritt vor und zwei zurück. Vor allem Mental. Erst langsam wurde es besser. Jetzt, nach drei Jahren, sehe ich wieder mehr Licht als Dunkel. In diesen Texten erzähle ich von meinem Weg – ehrlich, langsam, aber mit Richtung.

Was geblieben ist

Ich habe früher gern mit Freunden gefeiert – heute meide ich Alkohol.
Ich war im Kraftraum und beim Sport – immer an der Grenze, immer leistungsfähig. Heute achte ich darauf, dass mein Puls nicht zu hoch steigt. Und Gehen ist mein neues Laufen.

Ich war schlagfertig, witzig, selbstironisch. Heute bin ich oft still. Verletzlicher. Unsicherer.
Ich war jemand, der mit allen Kindern Quatsch gemacht hat. Heute fehlt mir oft die Energie.
Ich war optimistisch. Heute habe ich manchmal Zukunftsangst. Ich fühle mich schnell gestresst, wenn jemand etwas von mir will.

Aber:

Früher reichte oft schon eine Kleinigkeit, um mein inneres Barometer auf Sturm zu stellen, besonders wenn es um meine Vorstellungen von Ordnung ging. Disziplin und gesunde Ernährung waren für mich eher Gebote als Empfehlungen. Heute sehe ich das Ganze entspannter – sowohl bei mir selbst als auch bei meinen Mitmenschen. Mittlerweile lebe ich lieber nach dem Motto: Leben und leben lassen.
Geblieben ist die Liebe zu meiner Familie. Mehr noch: Sie ist gewachsen.
Geblieben ist auch mein Wille zur Bewegung, zum Training. Nur anders als früher – bewusster, leiser, aber nicht weniger entschlossen.

Es ist ein neues Leben. Und ich lerne gerade, es nicht nur zu akzeptieren – sondern es zu gestalten.

Lift heavy weights. It changed my life and it can change yours too. Without the heavy stuff, I would be lost, without it, I would not feel in sync with my body and soul. I like it simple, hard, and heavy. Just a barbell a few plates and a kettlebell. I sleep well, I feel great, I am lean and I am stronger than I was 10 years ago. I am more self-confident in my job and in my private life. Nothing else had a more profound effect on me than lifting heavy weights. If you want to become strong, fight muscle atrophy and lose some belly fat, start lifting heavy and learn to swing the kettlebell. Read about it and look for a certified strength coach. I promise you it will be a game changer for you. You won’t regret it. Read, think & write and lift heavy!

…an ongoing writing theraphy…

• 2017/ The end of a year is always a good time for me to contemplate my relationships. I am blessed with two healthy kids and a wonderful wife. My parents are still alive and I like to spend time with them. My mother in law is a very kind person and our kids are happy to spend time with their grandparents. Family has become more and more important to me. I have good friends around but I like to spend my time more and more with my family. I value the time with my close family nowadays a lot more than I did it a few yers ago. I still have the same old good friends, some friendships date back to kindergarten, but I really don’t care so much anymore to be with them. I struggle to admit that but I prefer to be with my family instead of them. Most of the time I prefer to be with my wife and my kids and I like to spend a great amount of my time alone reading and writing. Sometimes I feel sad about that. I feel sad that I do not longer have the desire to be with my friends and share my life with them. I see them sharing their lives with new friends on facebook. I do not have the energy to do social media stuff. I feel even sadder when I am with them and have the desire to be alone. What happened to me? Why do I feel this way? I see my friends still meeting each other for dinner and I am happy not to be there. Is this just temporary or will this trend continue? If so, where will it end? Are we going to lose our friends? It all comes down to the way you behave and communicate your desire to be alone. You have to explain your shift in your behavior. They don’t know that you still love them but prefer to spend more time alone. They just see you sitting alone in your house and not inviting anyone anymore. This must be strange to them. They don’t know how to deal with your new behavior. It is possible that they see it as an offense against them and they start to interpret all your actions in that new light. This further divides you from your good friends. It complicates all communications. Make the first move and explain yourself.
• June 2018/ Just read the paragraph above. I feel different. We had a lot of wonderful days and nights with our friends this year and I really enjoyed it. I don’t know exactly what changed but I really feel different. I feel good and I know that I can be alone and with my friends. Not at the same time of course but one thing does not exclude the other. There are times when I prefer to read or run alone and there are times when I enjoy to be with friends. I really made some progress in not seeing things as black or white. I started to become more moderate. At least I am trying. I really love to be a happy person and to make people happy around me. I am an optimist and I try to send this message. I try to make people feel good. That is when I am feeling good. I have great friends and we live in a fantastic place with great and supportive people. It is a wonderul community.
• April 2020 / A lot has happend since then. I still agree with my last words. However, my life is different. 2019 was a bad year for my marriage. Without the kids we may have got devorced? I was selfish. I was doing only what is good for me and I am still on that path but at least I think more about it and I try to find a solution. I guess it will take time and is not only in my hands. That is not true, I can change again if I try. I am not trying hard enough. I love my life as it is somehow. It is different and I am no longer sad as in 2017. At least I am alive and I live life to the fullest again. I will review this again in a few month. At the moment is crisis modus (corona) and we can’t say what will be in a few weeks.
• July 2020 / Crisis is not over but we can be out with friends again. A lot of people are still working from home. Nothing changed since April. It only got worse in my marriage. Summer vacation was pretty bad. We do not connect anymore. She is angry and sad and I am quiet and on my own. I do not know how to change this situation.

Kapitel 1 Der Anruf

Jeff sitzt auf der Terrasse als das Telefon klingelt. „Mist, warum jetzt, und warum habe ich das Telefon im Haus liegen lassen?“. Wahrscheinlich weil es sowieso nur die Hälfte der Zeit funktioniert, ergänzt er in Gedanken. Eigentlich wollte er sich eine Zigarette anstecken und die letzten Sonnenstrahlen des Tages mit einem eiskalten Dosenbier genießen. “Vielleicht ist es der Verlag.”

Das Arbeitszimmer liegt ein paar Schritte entfernt. Jeff hebt nach dem vierten Klingel den Hörer ab: „Ja, Smith hier. “ „Hallo, mein Name ist…“ weiter kommt der Anrufer nicht. Die Leitung ist nach wenigen Sekunden tot. Die Telefongesellschaft hatte ihm vor Wochen einen Brief gesendet und angekündigt, dass in Kürze neue Kabel verlegt würden und es zwischenzeitlich Probleme geben könnte.

Da er an dem Ärger mit der defekten Telefonleitung nicht ganz unschuldig ist, hat er es bislang vermieden sich zu beschweren. Vor gut zwei Jahren war die alte Eiche auf seinem Grundstück in die Oberleitungen gestürzt und hat Strom und Telefon für mehrere Tage lahm gelegt. Gut, dass nur wenige Häuser in der Nachbarschaft stehen. Jeff sollte die Eiche ursprünglich direkt nach seinem Einzug im Spätsommer 2010 fällen. Dies war eine der Auflagen, die er beim Kauf des alten Anwesens erhalten hatte. Damals schrieb er an seiner letzten Kriminalgeschichte und als er diese im darauffolgenden Frühjahr beendete, erschien ihm das Baumfällen nicht mehr ganz so wichtig. Immerhin hatte die Eiche gerade einen harten Winter überstanden und was sollte überhaupt schon passieren.

Zurück auf der Terrasse nimmt er einen kräftigen Schluck Bier. Irgendetwas kam ihm seltsam an dem Anruf vor. Jeff meint eine Frauenstimme erkannt zu haben, aber sicher war er nicht. Warum wurde aufgelegt? Seine Gedanken werden von einem lauten Magenknurren verdrängt. Seit dem Frühstück hat er außer 4 Tassen Kaffee und 3 Zigaretten nichts mehr zu sich genommen. Es ist Zeit für ein Abendbrot. Jeff kocht sehr gerne, aber heute muss es schnell gehen, da er später noch an seinem Buch arbeiten will. Er entscheidet sich für Käse-Schinken Sandwich mit Spiegelei. Nach dem Essen und einer weiteren Dose Bier, macht er sich für einen Spaziergang bereit. Frische Luft hat ihm schon immer geholfen, seine Gedanken zu sortieren. Seit dem Jeff gelesen hatte, dass viele berühmte Schriftsteller lange Spaziergänge machten, folgt er diesem Beispiel. Berühmt ist er bislang nicht geworden, aber die Spaziergänge sind geblieben.

Jeff schnürt sich im Sessel neben der Eingangstür seine Wanderschuhe, als das Telefon erneut klingelt. Wenn er nicht auf einen Anruf seines Verlages warten würde, hätte er das Klingeln mit Sicherheit ignoriert. Er geht grundsätzlich nur ungern ans Telefon. Alleine das Klingeln macht ihn bereits nervös. Die Leitung besteht hauptsächlich um Kontakt zu seinem Verlag zu halten. Handyvertrag, Internetanschluss, Facebook und LinkdIn Account hat er an seinem letzten Arbeitstag in seinem alten Büro aufgelöst. Jeff wollte sich ausschließlich auf seine Arbeit als Schriftsteller konzentrieren. Bevor er das alte Anwesen kaufte, hatte er einen gut bezahlten Job bei einer Firma, die Maschinen für den Straßenbau herstellte. Jeff war für die Finanzen der Firma zuständig und wahrscheinlich hätten sie ihn eines Tages in die Geschäftsleitung aufgenommen. Er mochte seine Job, war ein angesehener Mann in der Firma und überall sehr beliebt. Nur mit Frauen hatte er nicht so viel Glück. Während des Studiums hatte er Beziehungen zu Frauen gepflegt. Mit zwei Frauen konnte er sich sogar eine Zukunft vorstellen. Nach der Uni fing er bei einem der großen Beratungshäuser in Chicago an. Seine Vorgesetzten erkannten schnell seine Qualitäten. Er war stets ausgelastet und lebte fast ausschließlich aus dem Koffer. Jeff wurde auf Projekten im ganzen Land eingesetzt. Zunächst als Assistent und später als Projektleiter. Er war Single, ehrgeizig und beschwerte sich nie über zu viel Arbeit. Das waren die besten Voraussetzungen, um in dieser Branche erfolgreich zu werden. Zudem hatte er Spaß an der Verantwortung, zumindest eine Zeit lang. Bis das Angebot von einem Produzenten für Baumaschinen kam. Die Firma suchte für die internationale Wachstumsstrategie einen Finanzexperten. Jeff nahm das Angebot an. Das Leben aus dem Koffer hatte er satt. Er sehnte sich nach mehr Ruhe, Stabilität und einem tieferen Sinn in seinem Leben. Außerdem fehlte ihm eine Frau in seinem Leben und das Gefühl wuchs von Jahr zu Jahr.

Jeff Smith griff zum Telefon: “Smith, guten Abend.”. Auch wenn er es hasste zu telefonieren, so war er nie unhöflich. Im Gegenteil. Dies lag wahrscheinlich daran, dass Jeff sich nicht zu ernst nahm und den meisten Dingen gelassen gegenüber stand. Außerdem konnte er gut zuhören. Er wusste nur zu gut, dass die meisten Menschen am liebsten über sich selbst reden.

“Hallo, Sie müssen mir helfen. Ich bin entführt worden. Meine Name ist…”.

To be continued…..

If you are like me, trying to improve health and overall well being, then you might be into one of those topics. Minimalism is a great concept, even if I am struggling to implement it in our family life. I love to have a growth mindset and being physically strong. Fasting seems to be very beneficial for a human being. I read a lot about these topics. However, my time is limited and I decided to prioritize my reading. Should I read more about fasting and less about minimalism or more about mindset and less about strength training? Or could I have all in one place? Slowly, I started to realize that an ancient philosophy called Stoicism covers all topics. I learned about Stoicism a few years ago. I remember me thinking how crazy this is that 2000 and more years ago people were struggling with the same problems we still face today. Fascinating that this stuff survived 2 millennia and still attracts us today. It seems that we humans did not change so much. We are still the same human beings as my favorite philosophers Epictetus, Seneca and Marcus Aurelius have been. Epictetus was a slave, Seneca was a wealthy philosopher finally forced to kill himself by the reigning emperor Nero and Marcus Aurelius was the last of the five good emperors of the Roman Empire. A pretty diverse bunch of philosophers. Yes, life was harder back then. Being a slave was not fun, neither was it to be in the hands of a tyrannical emperor nor managing a declining empire. But this is how we judge about it in hindsight and how others might judge about us and our time in 2000 years. All three had figured out how to cope with their challenges. First and foremost they distinguished strictly between what is under their control and what not. Only your desires, judgments and actions are under control. Your body, health, reputation, wealth is not fully under your control. If you learn just one thing from the Stoics, then learn to make this distinction and nothing can harm you.

The Stoic Philosophy teaches us to be happy with what we have and to wish things to be like they are. We should live in accordance with nature, train mind, and body, and live a life of voluntary hardship. A Stoic is just, courageous, modest and wise. If someone asks me who I am or what I do, I would love to answer that I try to live a stoic life. A simple answer that includes living a minimalistic lifestyle, fasting, strength training or learning and a lot more. However, a stoic does not talk about how to be a good man. He leads by example. I am working on this.

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For me, a simple life is trying to live in harmony with nature.

Today, a simple life does not come naturally. We must voluntarily decide to choose more simplicity in our life. Some of us don’t want to have a simple life and that is ok as well. We all have the freedom to choose. For others, a simple life is a desirable way of living but they struggle to realize it. I do not intend to convince anyone that living simple is a superior way to live, because I don’t know. But what I know is that I love to live a simple life and love to write about it. This is a kind of training or medicine for me. I have to remind myself from time to time that simple does not mean easy. And is sometimes really hard to stay on track and don’t forget what is really important, what does matter and why am I doing this or that. Consumerism is a big part of it. I actively have to resist the impulse to buy stuff. This is what makes it hard to live a simple life. Today we can buy everything online and if we browse on the internet without a purpose, we may quickly find ourselves on Amazon looking for something even if we really don’t need anything at all.

Don’t make things more complicated than necessary. If there is a simple answer go for it. That does not mean to oversimplify everything in life. Some things like quantum mechanics are not simple. Simple doesn’t mean easy. Often you have to dig deep to come up with a simple answer. Unless you understand a problem really well you can’t give a simple answer.

Think long-term. Things that last are preferable. Use things carefully. Buy new stuff only if you really need it. What is the purpose? Why are you buying this or that? Does this thing bring value in any kind of form to you? When I started to think about that, I realized that I need very little physical stuff to be happy.

I am still on a journey to live a simple life. I will continue to fail to do so but I will not give up to simplify all areas of my life. My idea is to concentrate on a few things that matter to me. I can’t do everything and I try to make it easier to see what is good. I am still learning to reduce the decisions I make on a daily basis. I love to calm my mind and be present and not distracted by too many different thoughts. This is when life becomes stressful. I stop, breathe and step back in order to see more clearly what is in front of me. Most of the times it is not as stressful as I thought in the first place.

Being compassionate with all species on this planet helps me to live a simpler life. Although it does not always come naturally to me, trying to be compassionate helps me to stay on track and make better decisions.

It is a daily fight. I wonder if my mind will ever calm down and tries not to optimize every angle of my life. I hope to find peace and life simple and in accordance with nature. Sleep 8 hours, eat simple, non-processed, fresh food from all colors, care for mind, body and soul and enjoy being around family and friends.

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Through a Blog Post by Shane Parish of Farnam Street, I became aware of  Carol Dweck’s book „Mindset: The Psychology of Success„. The book was a great read and therefore I want to think and write something about it.

Carol Dweck is a professor of psychology at Stanford University. She conducts research on motivational and developmental psychology and is one of the world’s leading scientists in her field. Her popular TED lecture in November 2014 made her famous to a wider audience.

In her first book, Carol Dweck explains how our mind influences success or failure through our thoughts. The author uses a variety of examples from sports, business, politics, and art to describe how our mindset influences our actions and that of our children and students. She focuses on the effects of a fixed and growth mindset on almost all aspects of our lives. Carol Dweck skilfully combines results from research with prominent people and examples from our daily lives. By the way, you learn something about the personality traits of John McEnroe, Michael Jordan, Jack Welch and Lee Iacocca as well as many other celebrities from sports and business.

The book has a total of 304 pages and is divided into eight chapters, each with four to ten subchapters. The chapters have a maximum length of 40 pages. The structure helped me to get the most out of the book.

Content

In the first two chapters, Carol Dweck introduces the fixed and growth mindset. Chapter three is about talent and achievement. In addition, the author explains why praise can be dangerous. Chapter four, five and six illustrate the effects of fixed and growth mindset through examples from sports, business, and partnership. In chapter seven, Carol Dweck explains how to develop a fixed or growth mindset. It is the longest chapter and it includes many important hints how to promote a growth mindset in our children and students. It’s about demanding, encouraging, growth, learning, affection, love, and simply hard work. The book ends with a „workshop“ in which we can consciously deal with our mindset.

Lessons learned

With a growth mindset, we can achieve a lot. On the other hand, a fixed mindset limits our development and that of our children and students.

Praise can be dangerous. If one praises intelligence instead of effort, it harms motivation in the long run and thus performance.

I am very grateful that I heard about John Wooden for the first time in my life. Please forgive me my ignorance. He was the most successful and respected coach in US college basketball and a great mentor to many of his players – including Kareem Abdul Jabbar. His life philosophy can be characterized by a growth mindset. His achievements, and more precisely his definition of success, underline the importance of the growth mindset:

Improve a little bit every day and big things will eventually happen. Not tomorrow, not the next day, but at some point a big profit will be made. Strive for the small improvement, one day at a time. That’s the only way it’s going to happen – and if it does, it will last for a long time. (John Wooden)

Further quotes from the book

In one world, effort is considered as poor. Anyone who has to work hard has no talent or intelligence. In the other world, it’s exactly your effort that leads to talent or intelligence in the first place.

Just because some people can do something without any guidance does not mean other people can not learn and maybe even do better under guidance.

„I believe that ability can take us to the top, but it’s only with character that you stay there. … it takes character to keep working hard or harder once you’re up. „(John Wooden)

„I hate to use the first person. Almost everything I’ve done in my life has been accomplished with other people … „(Jack Welch)

„If Tiger wanted to become a plumber, that would have been fine, as long as he became a good plumber. We wanted him to beacome a good person . And he has become a great person. „(Father of Tiger Woods)

Good teachers believe in the development of intellect and talent and they are enthusiastic about the learning process.

Success does not come to you, you go to it.

You have talent, let’s start learning.

There are no shortcuts.

Start learning, sleep regularly and do your thing.

When we assume a growth mindset, we switch from a judgemental mode to a learning-and-help mode.

„Either you go up or down.“ (Alex Rodriguez) And if so, then you should decide where to go.

Who should read this book?

Carol Dweck manages to address a wide audience with her book. The book is for those who enjoy learning and personal development and especially for those who (still) do not feel this desire.

Links

https://psychology.stanford.edu/cdweck

http://www.coachwooden.com/

https://www.brainpickings.org/2014/01/29/carol-dweck-mindset/

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I do not want to die. I mean right now I feel like I do not want to die ever. Can I call it a life if I am not going to die? I guess not but that is another question. Today I want to write about the worst experience in my life.

I am a calm person. I do not see a doctor immediately if something is not right. Normally I sleep at least one night before I make an appointment. This worked very well for me until yesterday night.

Yesterday was different. I was alone in my hotel room and panicked. It got out of control. What happened? I was in the bathroom and saw some red dots below my chest which spread in a narrow line over the entire upper abdomen. That made me feel really uncomfortable and then I did the worse thing I could do. I asked Google. I like Google but in this case, it was a bad decision. Why? Because I found out that I might die if I do not get help from a doctor. After that night I promised myself not to ask Google anymore about severe illnesses.

Ok, so after the fatal diagnosis I left my hotel room and went downstairs to the reception. They called me a cap to the emergency room. The hospital was not far away. I told the driver that I have something with my heart and that I need to see a doctor. He was very understanding and drove very fast to the hospital until the last traffic light before the hospital stopped us. I panicked more because I thought I am going to die and every second count. I saw myself already passing out in the car. The traffic light remained red for an eternity. It was pure horror until the lights turned green.

In the hospital, it was the same. I felt bad with heart and breathing problems I thought that someone would take care of me immediately but that was not the case. I managed to explain my pain to a nurse and she started to ask me about my name, address, and insurance. I know that this is important for the hospital to get their money but after all, we were in the emergency room and I was going to die. At least in my mind. What the hell was going on here? I stayed calm because there were other people around and I did not want to look like a freak. In that moment, I was thinking: you are so obsessed with what other people think about you that you prefer to die instead of getting what you want or actually desperately need in that moment.

I realized that I am not able to help myself effectively due to my anxieties what other people might think about me. This is insane! I must do something about that. I must learn that it is not important what other people think about me. It is important that I can look in the mirror and be true to myself.

This incident taught me a lot about myself and how I should lead my life. It happened almost one year ago. Here are a few points that I learned from that incident:

#1

I realized how fragile I am. I always thought of myself as invincible and never really listened to my grandma when she was telling me something about her anxieties. After all, she was over seventy and I was a healthy young guy. Now she is dead and can’t help me anymore. I would love to listen to her again. I regret nothing because we had a great relationship. Nevertheless, I miss her and would have liked to spend some more years with her. But that is another story.

#2

Always say goodbye to your loved ones. Kiss them and tell them how much you love them because it could be the last time that you have seen them. Don’t go away in anger. My grandpa was so obsessed with that idea that he could not sleep before grandma forgave him. Hard to imagine that this never happened in over sixty years of their marriage but I love to believe it and try my best to follow in their footsteps. I failed in the past but I always make a new start to break their record. Meanwhile, my wife and I have to live until 100.

#3

Do not worry about what others think about you. Speak loud and clear if you really want something. Say what you need; don’t wait until it is too late. I’ve become more self-confident and I’ve grown in this regard. With now forty years, I am happy to say that I know a little bit better who I am, what I want, and how to get it. Nevertheless, I still fail a lot of the times but I stand up and work on it.

#4

Finally, for me, it all can be summarized with the famous saying „carpe diem“. Seize each of your days and don’t waste your time. For me, this is playing with my kids, cooking with my wife, walking, running or lifting weights and spending as much time as possible with family and friends. Last but not least, I read, think and write almost every day to learn something new about myself and the world around me.